So it's been a month and nothing has changed. I am in the same situation I was in last month, I am still collecting my EI which runs out in May, I have no word on what is happening with school yet though I did hear from the admissions officer who wants me to come in for orientation on April 7th. I am not even sure if I should even go in to tell you the truth because I don't know if I should collect my school swag if I don't know if I can even pay my tuition.
I've been looking for work but having zero luck what-so-ever, most jobs are minimum wage and I cannot even afford to work for min wage.
The smell in the apartment has finally disappeared (THANK GOD)
I have been feeling so lonely lately too and would give anything to just have a nice phone call from a friend. I really feel alone and sad :( My body physically hurts all the time, I want to go to the gym again but I seriously feel like a big fat slob. Yes, I know going to the gym will fix that but I really have no drive at all. I would love to have a nice in-depth chat with someone about anything. Movies, music, tv, ANYTHING!!
My car windshield got smashed by a stone so now I have a huge crack running from the bottom of the windshield half way up the glass F***!!!!! I also need to get my back brake rotors refinished so they will stop squealing and I haven't the money to get it done, well I have money, but the little I have I am clinging to so I will have something in case I can't find a job, my EI runs out and I don't get into school (with my luck that's what will happen).
My heart is not in anything I do, not my art, writing, nothing. I have tonnes of movies and not one do I have interest in watching.
There is so much I wanted to do in life and now it feels like I can't do any of it. I can't have kids, I can't be happy and I can't get married. It makes me wonder what I did to deserve all this bad luck. Is it because of the drama with my fiances ex? Is it the way I dumped my ex? Is is the karma for the horrible fate of my poor dog Shadow? God I miss her so much :( I don't understand how people can be so cruel to put down a beautiful friendly dog just because I didn't have a dog kennel in my back yard. I live with the guilt that I couldn't afford to put down a cement floor and put a cage out there every day, I think of her in the vets office alone and scared without a friend in the world, I let her down and I never want any animal to ever have to go through that. My heart feels like it's been hauled out and destroyed every time I think of her.
So now here I go again, alone, depressed and broke
