Blah, that's all I can really say about my life lately. At my apartment there has been a horrendous foul smell, my landlord has gotten the septic tank pumped and the lines flushed, but after a few days the smell was back full force..his solution.."Well if it bothers you that much, I don't want to see you move, because you're good tenants, but you can always move"..umm..yes, that will most certainly clear up the smell..ummhmm...It's not like I am the only person to smell it, my fiancee smells it, his brother, my dad, everyone who's set foot in the house has! So I am pretty sure that if someone new moves in they'll smell it too.
There's been a decent snowfall the past few weeks, considering we had a brown Christmas it's about time we got snow. I like snow, it makes everything look fresh and clean, well until the plows go around, those guys just make it all messy.
I've found the past few weeks I don't feel loved at all, not by friends, my significant other, family, nobody! It feels terrible to be this lonely, especially when you are feeling sick and depressed. Ive been on Cipralex for the past year almost and it doesn't seem to be working, I cry at the drop of the hat, get insanely moody and just want space to be alone. And with everything going on now between not working and collecting my E.I. and waiting to see if I can get the funding for school in April I just want to cry. I have a bottle of Ativan and luckily I have yet to use it, my doctor gave it to me for the "Difficult" days and it seems those days are coming full force.
With neither myself or the mister working we have very little money, which breaks my heart because I thought by this age I would have done more with my life. I wanted to be married and have kids by 30 and right now the chance of that seems to be dimming.
I've been having some messed up dreams lately that have been causing me grief, one dream I was pregnant, had a baby and was laying in the bed with the baby in my arms all wrapped in its blanket. Suddenly out of nowhere the baby just dies and turns to dust, I wake up screaming and crying and can't help but feel like it's a sign.
Well on another note, the ratties are doing well and Beaus ear infection seems to be going away. We've been cleaning his ear and using the drops the vet prescribed, he hates it, but that's life!
Oh well, I guess I'll get to my laundry and cleaning. I wish I didn't feel so alone :(
